My mother's absence and the changes that hav been caused in my life because of tat

I dont smile anymore.not that i dont feel like,but i never quite am happy

i dont feel hungry anymore,as no one is bothered about my having or not having any meals or coffee

i dont hav any right to complain cause wat ever anyone does, just feels like alms for me.AFTER ALL, BEGGARS CANT BE CHOOSERS..

I hav learnt to keep my mouth shut ,as questioning and thinking rationally and expressing my views are no longer,allowed.

I hav learnt to be contented in my life, as there isnt any bigger loss which i can expect,and there are so many smaller probs which are no longer probs for me

i hav learnt not to depend on anyone,cause,when i call home,there s no amma to answer my call.all i hav is a busy father n a deaf grandpa to tell my problems to.which i dont intend to

i hav stopped believing in anythin else ,but my own mind.cause no one pays me to believe god.and wat i cant reason out,doesn exist.

I cant take tension anymore,as i hav no one to discuss it wit .so i shut down the system n go to sleep.

Well,these are only a few changes she has brought in my life after i hav ceased to experience her.

If i tell everything,then, may be, it may not make any sense at all.

All i can tell is, it doesn,even a lil bit feel good.

This incident, of my mother s passing away, has and wil hav an impact on every single day,every single minute of my life.

Whether i like it or not, its reality, and the sooner i accept ,the better.

All i wish to tell her is, i miss her very much.and more than that i miss my happiness.
I miss my smile.
I miss my talk
i miss th old me...